This isn’t just about writer’s block; it’s about what to say when the person you’re writing to is facing difficult circumstances and words don’t feel like enough.
There will be plenty of times, unfortunately, in letter-writing ministry when you’re looking at a blank page and the words don’t come, not because of writer’s block but because the person you are writing to is in a situation of trial or hardship and you simply don’t know what to say that could offer them any kind of encouragement.
An incarcerated individual I once wrote to was not only serving a life sentence, but had been shunned by her family, separated from her young daughter, and was in and out of isolation due to her own behaviour. It did not matter to me whether she deserved it or not; my role was to offer her encouragement and remind her of a God who loved her deeply and would wash every sin and regret clean. But what do you say to someone in that situation who is going through something unimaginably hard?
These are the moments when the pen feels heavy, and so does the silence as you pray and wait for the right words to come.
Different life moments call for different kinds of responses. I can’t predict every challenging situation you might come across, but below are some situations we can look at that might help. Each section includes guidance and sample phrases you can adapt.
1. When Someone Is Grieving
In these moments, your words should be gentle, steady, and honest. As mentioned in previous articles, avoid trying to “fix” sorrow; instead, offer presence.
Helpful phrases may include:
- “I am so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’ve been thinking of you and holding you in my prayers.”
- “There are no easy words, but I want you to know you are not alone.”
- “I remember [name of loved one] and the way they touched so many lives.”
Sample opening: Dear Linda, I was deeply saddened to hear about your mother’s passing. I cannot imagine how heavy this season must feel, but I wanted to reach out and let you know you are in my thoughts.
2. When Someone Is Ill or Recovering
Illness often brings isolation, fatigue, and uncertainty. Your letter can become a reminder that they are still seen as a whole person not just a patient.
Some helpful phrases:
- “I’m thinking of you during your recovery.”
- “I hope today brings a little more strength than yesterday.”
- “You are more than what you are facing right now.”
- “I’m cheering you on as you heal.”
Sample opening: Dear Mark, I heard that your recovery has been slow and challenging. I wanted to send you a note to remind you that you are not forgotten in this process.
3. When Someone Is Facing Stress or Burnout
Many people silently carry exhaustion from work, caregiving, school, or family responsibilities. They may not ask for help, but they deeply need encouragement.
Helpful phrases can include:
- “I see how much you carry each day.”
- “Your effort does not go unnoticed.”
- “I hope you find moments to rest, even briefly.”
- “You are doing more than you realize.”
Sample opening: Dear Sarah, I’ve been thinking about how much you’ve been juggling lately. I wanted to take a moment to remind you that your hard work and care for others are seen and appreciated.
4. When Someone Is Celebrating a Milestone
Encouragement is not only for hard seasons. Birthdays, graduations, new jobs, retirements, and new beginnings are powerful opportunities for affirmation when an individual may be feeling anxious about the future.
Some phrases you may wish to use include:
- “I’m so proud of you for reaching this milestone.”
- “You’ve worked hard for this moment.”
- “It’s been a joy watching your journey.”
- “I can’t wait to see what comes next for you.”
Sample opening: Dear Daniel, congratulations on your graduation. I remember when you first began this journey, and it’s been wonderful to see how far you’ve come.
5. When Someone Feels Forgotten or Lonely
Loneliness is one of the most powerful reasons to write letters. Your message may be the only personal note someone receives that week or month.
Helpful phrases to use can be:
- “You have been on my mind lately.”
- “I just wanted to remind you that you matter.”
- “You are not forgotten.”
- “I’m grateful for you.”
Sample opening: Dear Mrs. Allen, I wanted to write to you today simply to let you know you are remembered and appreciated.
6. When Someone Is Serving Others
Caregivers, volunteers, teachers, missionaries, and leaders often pour out more than they receive. Encouragement helps refill what has been given away.
Try using a phrase like:
- “Thank you for the way you serve others so faithfully.”
- “Your work makes a difference, even when it goes unseen.”
- “You are a blessing to many.”
- “I appreciate your steady commitment.”
Sample opening: Dear Pastor James, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your faithful leadership and the quiet ways you care for so many people.
7. When You Simply Want to Encourage Someone
Not every letter needs a specific occasion. Sometimes the most meaningful letters are the ones sent for no reason at all.
Helpful phrases:
- “You came to my mind today.”
- “I just wanted to encourage you.”
- “I hope this note brings a smile.”
- “I’m grateful for you.”
Sample opening: Dear Emily, there was no particular reason for this note other than to say I was thinking of you today and wanted to encourage you.
What to Avoid Saying
Just as important as knowing what to write is knowing what to avoid. Here are a few guidelines:
- Avoid minimizing pain: “Everything happens for a reason” (can feel dismissive in grief)
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice: Unless asked, resist trying to “fix” situations
- Avoid comparing experiences: “I know exactly how you feel” (rarely fully true)
- Avoid overly general statements: “Hang in there” (without context or warmth)
Instead, lean toward honesty, presence, and care.
A Gentle Formula for Any Situation
If you are unsure what to write, use this simple structure:
- Acknowledge what they are going through or experiencing
- Affirm something about them or their strength
- Assure them of your care or prayers
- Offer a simple hope or encouragement
Example: I know this season has been heavy for you (acknowledge). I’ve always admired your resilience and quiet strength (affirm). Please know I’m thinking of you and praying for you (assure). I hope you find moments of peace this week (offer).
In Closing,
Some of the above advice may be helpful and relevant to the situation you’re facing, or it may not be. Prayerfully consider your response before you write and adapt as needed. You can’t possibly know what a stranger is hoping to hear from you, so offer yourself grace in the moments when your words fall short, or the response isn’t what you were hoping for (an apology and honest explanation normally helps fix those moments, but sometimes the recipient just isn’t in a place to hear it and needs more time to process where they’re at). Everything should be seen as an opportunity to grow and learn for the next time. Whatever comes out of it, God knows that you were trying your best to show up for someone and offer them encouragement.
